long long overdue review: “Love Songs for the Shy and Cynical”

Title: Love Songs for the Shy and Cynical

Author: Rob Shearman

Pub: Big Finish, 2009

Genre: Short Stories/ Novellas

Awards Won: Shirley Jackson Awards, Edge Hill Short Story Readers Prize,  2010 British Fantasy Awards

 The first thing you should know about this book is that it’s exactly what a short story collection should be– rather like expensive chocolate truffles.  The best way to enjoy is to slowly nibble just one at a time, savoring the flavors  and the artistry.  Then, put the book down.  Wander off, cook, feed the cat, mail the letters, or do the laundry.  As you do, the memory of the story, the ethereal taste, will ghost just along with you.  Then, sometime later… an hour, a day, just as the flavor fades… you’ll come back and taste another– different from the first and yet just as exquisite.

The second thing you should know about this book is that it’s apparently impossible to review it without resorting to lyricism.   

Shearman’s narrative style is deceptively straight-forward.  No flowery flights of language.  He creates a world in just a few deft strokes, that we completely recognize as our own–

–just to pick one, the opening of ‘Your Long, Loving Arms’ introduces us to Steve: “In the end, it was the afternoons that were killing him.  The evenings were fine.  The evenings, he could cope with.  He wasn’t working in the evenings, it was true, but that was okay, lots of people didn’t work in the evenings. He’d play with Ben a bit, like a normal dad, might read him a bedtime story if Ben fancied it. Like a normal dad, and in a normal family too, he’d cuddle up with Cheryl on the sofa and they’d watch a spot of telly, and at last Cheryl would say that she’d best go to bed, she had to be up early in the morning. And he’d go with her, though he didn’t have to be up early, not any more” (87).   Simple enough, right?  and heart-breakingly recognizable in these days of unemployment and redundancy–

— then Shearman slips our world just a little bit sideways with a word, but ever so gently that it seems the only natural way to be.  So, our Steve, in an attempt to stem the tide of those lengthening afternoons, enlists in the Tree Scheme: “It was funny– after an hour or so you didn’t feel the stiffness in your arms.  First they numbed, then felt like something detached from the body altogether.  And when the breeze fluttered his leaves, Steve thrilled to it– the wind just teasing them, they didn’t seem so much blown about as stroked” (92).  You need to read it now, don’t you?

Hence why, though his stories are often nominated for Fantasy and Horror awards, they’re not really either, in the traditional sense– but in the sense that we are amazed and terrified by ourselves, reflected back in one of those mirrors where it’s just twisted enough that you recognize a stranger’s face in your own.  Plus, what the labels tend to set aside is the humor woven deftly into the fabric of these stories.  Not the burst into laugher in public kind– though you might, as I did, get asked what you’re grinning about, which you will find yourself utterly unable to describe– but that kind of communal recognition that life is a funny old thing, after all, but it’s ours.

Sitting here, writing this and flipping through the book to find my favorite to tell you about, I keep finding one favorite and then another and then another, but all for different reasons.  Each story’s narrator is unique and both exactly like someone you know and completely unlike anyone else at all–some through the delicacy of third person [including “Love Among the Lobelias,” “Roadkill,” and “Love in a Time of Sharing”] and some through the intimacy of first [including “Not About Love,” “Be of Good Cheer,” “14.2,” and “At the Crease”].  Tenderness, shyness, loss, loneliness, hope, cynicism, yes, and longing too– the stories are about love, after all.  And, along the way, perhaps just a tinge of that fear of love gone a bit (well more than a bit really, a very very lot) wrong, there’s “George Clooney’s Mustache.” 

The third thing you should know about this book is that picking a favorite story is too hard.

Go on then.  Here you are: http://www.bigfinish.com/ranges/love-songs-for-the-shy-and-cynical

a beginner’s guide to Douglas Adams

 Monty Python, Eddie Izzard, Bill Cosby, Mel Brooks, Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who …

You know that favorite thing you have– the one that you are zealously delighted to introduce to everyone around you?  That one that you can’t remember not loving?  That one that you quote from pretty constantly and crack in-jokes about with the two other people you know who are as nutty about it as you are?

For me, that thing is Douglas Adams, and I know I’m not alone. 

In fact, at this very moment, you may be sitting next to an Adams-addict.  One might be your teacher [Hi, kids.  See you all on the 24th]. One might live upstairs.   One might be your boss.  You are surrounded by Adams-addicts everyday.  How can you tell, you ask?  Do you need a magic decoder ring?  Is there a litmus test?  Do we all wear tee-shirts?

  I want this shirt.

 Here’s the test; are you ready?  Turn to any person you happen to meet, and simply ask him or her, “What is the meaning of life?”  If the answer comes back, “Forty-two,” then you, my friend, have found yourself an Adams-addict.

So he’s got a lot of fans.  Big deal– so does professional wrestling , and that’s just dumb [sorry, Jerry 😉 ] 

Well, do you remember when you first read Shakespeare and Greek mythology in high school, and then you started to see quotations and references to them everywhere?  Then you figured out that they had been there all along, but you’d never noticed, because you just didn’t know?  Adams is like that.   In fact, in science-fiction writing, there is such a thing as the “obligatory Hitchhiker’s reference.”  It appears in nearly every work of sci-fi written post-1980.  Go ahead– Google the phrase– you’ll see.

Why do we all love Douglas Adams so much?  Because the man looked at the world in an incredibly unique, intelligent, positive, and humorous way.  Then, he wrote it down. 

I could go on at length about his technique, perspective, and utterly original spirit, but I think that would spoil it for you.  Part of what draws Adams-addicts in is discovering for ourselves something new and precious every time we read his books, listen to his radio shows, watch his films, play his video games, use his towels [yes, you read that correctly– towels].

I’ll tell you how I got into Adams, but we have to go back a bit:  My father was in the Air Force in the mid-seventies, and he was stationed in England.  My mom, after their wedding, went to live with him.  Now, she didn’t have a car, didn’t know anyone, and had a husband who worked 24 hour shifts– so she spent a good deal of time listening to the radio and watching television.  She saw and enjoyed Doctor Who and Hitchhiker’s on tv.  Flash forward to about 1992 or so.  We were all living in South Florida.  My sister and I were hooked on Sci-Fi Saturday Nights on our local PBS station [WXEL].  Hitchhiker’s came on.  My mom said, “Oh, I remember this.  It was funny.  Let’s watch it.” 

I distinctly remember sitting on the cool tile floor and leaning against the couch, as the three of us watched the mini-series.  Yes, it was super cheesy in many places, but gosh, it was brilliant!  Then, my sister and I discovered the books, then his other novels… and in college, I began reading his non-fiction.  “Last Chance to See” is a wonderfully powerful book.  I found copies of his radio play scripts, watched his Doctor Who episodes, read his obituary with a deep sense of loss, and now I love “The Salmon of Doubt,” a collection of all sorts of writing that his friends rescued from his hard drive.  I have a particular fondness for the audiobook, to which many of his closest friends contributed.Ask any Adams-addict, and he or she will have a similarly personal story about discovering the brilliance that is Douglas Adams.

So, I will leave you with just a few examples of why I love Adams:

“The ships hung in the air in much the same way that bricks don’t.” 

“Scarcely pausing for breath, Vroomfondel shouted, ‘We don’t demand solid facts!  What we demand is a total absence of solid facts.  I demand that I may or may not be Vroomfondel!'”

 

“‘And I am Dr. Desiato’s bodyguard,’ it went, ‘and I am responsible for his body, and I am not responsible for yours, so take it away before it gets damaged.'”

“One of the major problems encountered in time travel is not that of acidentally becoming your own father or mother.  There is no problem involved in becoming your own father or mother that a broad-minded and well-adjusted family can’t cope with.  There is no problem about changing the course of history– the course of history does not change because it all fits together like a jigsaw.  All the important changes have happened before the things they were supposed to change and it all sorts itself out in the end.  The major problem is quite simply one of grammar…”

 

“In the end, it was the Sunday afternoons he couldn’t cope with, and that terrible listlessness that starts to set in about 2:55, when you know you’ve taken all the baths you can usefully take that day, that however hard you stare at any given paragraph in the newspaper you will never actually read it, or use the revolutionary new pruning technique it describes, and that as you stare at the clock the hands will move relentlessly on to four o’clock, and you will enter the long dark teatime of the soul.”

“‘My name,’ said the mattress, ‘is Zem.  We could discuss the weather a little.’  Marvin paused again in his weary circular plod.  ‘The dew,’ he observed, ‘has clearly fallen with a particularly sickening thud this morning.'”

 

Are you intrigued?  Good.  Go down to your library and pick up your copy today.  Then come back and leave your favorite quotation in the comments!  Till then, my hoopy froods, Don’t Panic!

Video effects of Doom!

 

Right, well—to begin, I must say that I’m glad that I’ve already taken the notes on this episode because I just spent the better portion of the afternoon reading “Julie & Julia” by Julie Powell (review in a few days), and going back to snarky Doctor Who comments is quite the rugged transition for my brain.

 

So, here we go back to “Leisure Hive” episode two.   For episode one, click here.

 

I dub him "Son-of-Mine."

As we view the reprise, ol’ (oh, he really is here, poor fellow) Tom is once again torn asunder by video effects of DOOM.

1. Wait—reprise made it look like Romana was dragging the scarf!  I thought it was the Doc.
2. Why does Reptile try to kill Doctor?  What’s his motivation?
3. Such a cheat—that resolution!
4. Oh look, ANOTHER Earth shuttle.  This is beginning to feel like Star Cops.
5. Umm, a strangely directed capture scene.
6. Just a note—his sonic screwdriver looks almost exactly like the doohickey I used for melting wax when learning pysanka.
7. Ah, well… yes… have dabbled just a bit in time travel.
8. Romana is just showing off.
9. I don’t like Tom’s red coat at all at all.
10. La Presidente doesn’t seem to mourn her husband all that much.
11. These reptiles do have a penchant for turning knobs and screwing with machinery.
12. Ah, now we see how war + hive + death + children all tie together.
13. Why does anyone trust this scientist?
14. Also, why does beard-boy (who should be easily identifiable as evil b/c he is wearing a beard in Doctor Who) look so familiar to me?
15. Oh yeah—of course they ‘ll want to just watch on the viewer.  The Doc will be fine with that.
16. Aging make-up & acting nicely-done.
17. WAIT—why did plans for not revealing the deception suddenly change?  Did I miss something?
18. Claw/ doorway look strangely out of proportion to one another.
19. Dude!  Green = Death!  Run Away!
20. Good job showing only bits of the monster.
21. Poor blind beggar!  Is his prescription really so strong that he can’t even see giant green lizard monsters without his glasses on?
22. It would be awfully hard to strangle someone with that scarf.
23. “Arrest the scarf, then.”  Ha!
24. I like how Romana is a competent teacher here, instead of the silly school-girl she is often dressed as.  Bring back Mary Tamm, I say.
25. Experiments are boring to watch, especially when done with colored plastic and kool-aid.
26. Is Son-of-Mine only allowed to speak while standing?  Why does he keep bouncing up and down in his seat?
27. He is also a bit too gleeful to have found “a test.”  I’m worried.
28. Oh dear, are we going to melt the Doctor?
29. Another nice job on the aging make-up; though he does look like a cross between Santa Claus and Rasputin.  An unnerving idea, that.

 

 

Rasputin + Santa Claus = ol' Tom

 

Well, that was a good one.  Lots of plot.  Sufficient corridor running.  Nice aging effects.

Coming soon… part 3… of DOOM!

Leisure Hive pt 1 commentary

Hi, folks– I’m back with a new commentary for a classic Tom Baker episode.  Tony and Jo! over at the Flashing Blade podcast inspired me to watching it for the first time in order to give them some feedback for their 8th episode.  For the podcast, I condensed my thoughts considerably, but here I offer you my comments unadulterated.  Lucky you. 🙂

So… here we go!

1. I don’t like Tom’s face in the opening credits.  He looks old, bloated, and bored.
2. Good grief!  I get it already.  We are on a long, deserted patch of beach.  For goodness sake!
3. Earphones make snores clearer.
4. Now that’s just mean!  What’s she done to poor K-9?!
5. Oh dear– telescope view does not bode well.
6. Interesting transitions– not sure I like them.
7. These are very interesting costumes and hair styles.
8. The meeting does sound like ones that probably happened in BBC boardrooms around this time.
9. Music does reinforce strange nature of planet.
10. Interesting how in this season, no one hears the Tardis materialize.
11. Um.. can one guy sell a whole planet?
12. There’s an awful lot of exposition happening here along with extraordinarily long landscape pans.
13. Cool video effects, if quite psychedelic.
14. Heavy breathing- must be the bad guys.
15. Interesting idea to cover how another culture dies.
16. WE GET IT!!! Another ship is landing.  Is this a vital plot point??
17. Nice to see that the Doctor has forgotten science and is interested in relearning it.
18. A particularly vicious way to die.
19. I thought the Doctor said that he doesn’t  do “meeting mothers.”
20. Doctor does seem delighted to be a “mistake.”
21. Now is where the psychic paper would have come in handy.
22. Cute trick with the guard– reminiscent of Sun Maker’s trick.
23. Very colorful control board– looks like the counter of a candy store.
24. Red plastic guy = creepy
25. Nice scarf/ mannequin distraction
26. Oh no!  Not death by video effects!

 

And that’s that.  Until part two, everyone!

robots gone wild!

"V4, that is not the Doctor"

We have finally reached the fourth and final part of the classic Tom Baker story Robots of Death.  Cheers and hurrahs resound.  For those of you lovely readers who have some catching up to do, click here for part 3 of these commentaries.

 

When we left our heroes, the ever-witty Doctor was being strangled by a homicidal robot, as a horrified Commander (sans extravagant hat)  stood by, being as useless as we have come to expect from him.

 

1. Finally!  The Commander has made a command decision.
2. I’d be a bit cranky if someone had just stuck a giant syringe in my skull, too.
3. Good grief!  Toose is just useless.  And Mr. Boucher—rubbish dialogue.
4. Is the Doc carrying ol’ Commander over the threshold?
5. Ok, silly way to dispose of two murderous robots, but cute.
6. I love SV7’s straight tone when he says, “Do not, V4, that is not the Doctor.”
7. Um.. is she dead?  Because she is breathing quite visibly.
8. Right, so the Commander could barely walk before, but now he can scuttle?  And way to reduce him to just a hanger-on peppering the Doctor (who is clearly now completely in command) with stupid questions.
9. Ah—my favorite line from the entire story (which I used as the title of my episode 3 post b/c I couldn’t resist): “Please do not throw hands at me.”—I sooo want to use this in my classroom when everyone’s hands go up at once.
10. Oh, good, useless girl will recover.  Oh joy.  Oh rapture.
11. Yes, thank you Captain of Obvious Exposition.
12. Her pj’s are still pretty snazzy.
13. The image of the robot with the giant needle in his head is pretty disturbing, particularly given his body language.
14. Oh—the two of these ladies crouching in corners together is some slash fiction writer’s dream come true.
15. I notice and appreciate the continuity here—the robot who lost his hand in the door is still missing it.
16. Clever, clever Leela—having intuition and all.  Good point that SV7 should have recognized her voice.
17. Must have sucked to be one of the actors who had to play these *frozen* bots.
18. Now that he’s out of immediate danger and back on his command deck, the Commander has reverted to his vacation home in Denial.  I’m enjoying that the Doc compares him to Marie Antoinette.
19. Awfully convenient that they had a medical bed set up in the middle of the command deck.
20. “I don’t understand!” whines Commander—let’s add that to your lengthy list, shall we.
21. Ah—it was Pool who was controlling D84—clever.
22. Another point in continuity’s favor are the makeup jobs on the Commander and Toose’s wounds—her neck is still red from being strangled.
23. Now we get to the bottom of the not-cared about sub-plot.
24. “And if we do come out, we will be destroyed anyway”—now that’s the first intelligent sentence you’ve uttered all day!
25. Ummm… is anyone else creeped out by SV7’s resemblance to computer in 2001: A Space Odyssey?
26. Ah—another bit of dramatic eye acting on Tom’s part
27. Are they Zed Zed 9 Plural Zed Alpha bombs?
28. Ha!  “Well, that’s your problem.  I can’t be every where at once.”
29. Again with the door sound.
30. Ah—something at which the Commander and Toose can be competent—what a nice change.
31. Cue hordes of silly tinfoil robot boots.
32. Once again, this episode’s heroes must have engaged their Somebody Else’s Problem Field as they hide in plain sight.  (yes, I know that was 2 Hitchhiker’s references in the space of 2 scenes, but they were just waiting to be made!)
33. Commander—must you fall into EVERY sci-fi cliché?  When the Doctor says not to open the door—then don’t open the door.
34. Ah, while other people were carrying the story, Dask has popped off and had a make-over.  I do think Trinny and Susanna have gotten this one a bit wrong, though.  I think he’s wearing the costume equivalent of a foil-wrap that we used at scout camp to bake chicken and rice over a campfire.
35. I like the nice long draw back to wide-shot to reveal what we already suspected.
36. Ummm… Dask, just a point here, but if they could hear you begging for entrance, can’t they also here you giving commands to your robot horde? 
37. Aww, poor busted robot.
38. Look, even in whatever century this is, they still use duct tape!
39. Thanks for the needless definition of “robo-phobia.”  It’s moments like these that remind me that the BBC is under the mistaken impression (though, God only knows why) that Doctor Who is a kid’s show.
40. “Right now he must be a happy little maniac.”  Ha!
41. Once again, I am reminded that D84 is an early version of a K-9 character.
42. Tom just said the key theme of Doctor Who: “I think you’re very important.”
43. Robot against screen quite creepy.
44. Every time he says, “My brothers,” I get a flashback to Mr. Mash from “Are You Being Served.”  I want to say, “Mr. Dask, get off the floor!  You know that you and the robots can’t be on the floor after 8 o’clock.”
45. Meanwhile, back on the uselessly chaotic command deck.
46. “We may not be so lucky a second time.”—it was awfully considerate of V5 to stand compressed against the door and blow up so nicely.
47. Dude, you do realize that sooner or later they will realize that you’re human, too.
48. Ah… a clever, clever trick, using a child’s party game against a maniac.
49. How awful!  Poor D87!  He is a hero until the end!
50. Um, when that robot sucker punches the Doctor and then shoves him against a wall, is he going to kill him or kiss him?  I think it could go either way from his body language.
51. Ah, Dask, as with all meglo-maniacs, your need to torture your enemy will be your undoing.  Have you never watched this show?
52. Even the music can’t take these two robot-hunting clowns seriously.  They’ve suddenly become Litefoot and Jago, minus the clever dialogue.
53. Hello, Dask.  Just to let you know, I’ve been tortured by much crazier men than you, and Eddie Izzard wanted me to tell you that silver eye shadow is a death color.
54. How does no one hear the incredibly loud helium canister?
55. “Ah, I see.  You’re one of those boring maniacs who’s going to gloat.  Are you going to tell me your plan for running the universe?”  HA!  He is, too.
56. Well, that at least makes a change.
57. Finally, the Doctor has told him that he looks ridiculous in that outfit.
58. I like how the voice change comes upon him so gradually that he doesn’t notice it—though in point of fact, that must be some mightily concentrated helium in order to displace an entire roomful of air.
59. Ouch—poor Tom does look like his brain is being burned out.
60. No, not losing his nerve, just overcome with the need to gloat.
61. Oh—Go D84!!!!!  One final act of bravery!
62. Those pyrotechnics are quite impressive and a bit gruesome, as we have come to recognize these robots as humanoid creatures.
63. Ah—nick of time programming still apparently working quite well in this robot.
64. Dude—there can be only one Master—and you don’t even make the short list.
65. Gosh, Toose!  You’re racking up a strangle-count to rival young Kirk in the recent movie.  Just be grateful that you haven’t had to hang off any ledges lately.
66. a useful tool- that giant needle.  I still feel sorry for it’s victims, though.
67. “What squeak mouse?” 
68. That control room looks like the throne room at the end of Hamlet.  Where’s Fortinbras when you need him?
69. Oh—apparently he’s on the rescue ship.  Isn’t it a bit callous to leave the last two crew members trapped on a ship stuffed to the gills with dead people and robots? 
70. Listen, just because Leela asked the question we were all wondering is no reason to get snippy there, Tom-boy.
71. Oh, dear—I have discovered that I’ve been spelling Toos’s name wrong this whole time… well, I maintain that my spelling is better.  Otherwise, she’s “twos,” right?
72. For that matter, they claim that my Pool is actually Poul.  Huh.  Well, this just goes to prove that I’m doing these as I’m watching.  We’ll claim spontaneity and move on, shall we.
73. Speaking of random credits—they have periods in the names of the robots (I can see some copy-editor now: “Well, since they are, in fact, abbreviations, they should contain periods.”  “But there weren’t any on the costumes.”  “Not my fault.  I’m right, and I’m putting them in the credits properly.  So there.” Yes, indeed, methinks I smell a fellow English Major at work.)

 

And we are done!  Whoo—that was a long one. 

 

What did you think, folks?  Shall we have more of these?

“please do not throw hands at me”

Where were we? Oh yes, Robots of Death, episode 3.

Just a note—have just seen a season 18 Baker episode. I must say that I like his image here much better than the bloated head shot in that title sequence.

Cue reprise…

1. Ah, they have disabled Strychnine just in time!

2. Dask is rather calm under the circumstances.

3. Did the Doctor just imply that Dask sabotaged the systems?

4. A rather wise saying that, “If you are bleeding, look for a man with scars.” However, I wouldn’t bandage a wound with a itchy silver scarves.

5. Ah, now we get to the middle of the subplot that I don’t care about.

6. “Did you do that?” Leela is quite a useful companion.

7. Oh, hooray! I’m growing quite fond of Strychnine after all.

8. I like that the Doctor trusts Leela enough to have her guard Pool while he goes off to chat with the dumb robot.

9. The visual contrasts between Pool and Leela is quite striking and interesting.

10. Once again, all of the keypads make exactly the same sound.

11. Um… what part of “Don’t let him out of your sight” did you not understand, Leela?

12. Poor ravaged robot!

13. Oh… cue creepy robots… blood on the hand reminiscent of Wang Chiang.

14. Now we can tell who the human is behind this thing.

15. I find it intriguing how they portray the reprogramming of the robot and how he really wants to reject these orders that are countermanding his core laws. Well done and chilling—especially when his eyes return to black, and you can’t tell that anything is wrong.

16. Oh dear—the curtain reveal of the Doctor in the background, along with the chimes, and his grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Disturbing. It quite gives you the feeling that if he wasn’t on the side of right, he could do considerable wrong with glee.

17. I like how the Doctor treats D84 as an equal, unlike everyone else in the story.

18. The side-view close up on D84 does rather spoil the mask’s still effect because you can see the actor’s chin moving up and down.

19. “Priority Red”—poor guy. Having his hands move in a desperate fashion reinforces his helplessness. His other muscle circuits must be disabled, as those straps don’t look adequate to holding him down.

20. What’s up with the KKK cloak there, Dask-boy? We already know it’s you from your video message earlier.

21. Umm… having a close up on those hands was a bad idea—it makes it obvious that they are simply yellow kitchen gloves sprayed silver (palm bumps and all).

22. Poor robot—although they made an oops with the red overlay (look carefully, and you’ll see that some of it shows on the detached mask.)

23. “Typical robot, no imagination.”

24. “Correct”—what a strange cadence on that word.

25. “I have failed.”—now, if he were a Dalek, he would have to repeat that about 500 times with increasing hysteria, then blow himself to smithereens.

26. Poor dejected D84. He wants to help. He’s really just an early version of K-9.

27. Me thinks that robot takes a suspiciously masculine stance in her doorway.

28. She sleeps in a seashell? What is she, a Disney princess?

29. I think it would be annoying to have to look at the world through robot vision and echoy robot hearing.

30. Does SV7 have orders to only kill her if she is sleeping?

31. Whiny girl… and did anyone else catch that subtext about bringing Leela to her bedroom? [are we entering Radio Free Skaro territory here?]

32. Meanwhile, back where Leela is stuck…

33. Oh dear… I didn’t realize how loud I had the volume on the TV until Leela screamed “Help! Can Anyone Hear Me?!” It’s after 1 am here. I do hope none of my neighbors heard it and thought I really needed help. Oops.

34. For all that D84 is used to staying quiet, he won’t shut up about “I heard a cry.”

35. Very creepy—the robot giving orders to kill everyone.

36. Way to get the door opened just to be threatened with death by robot.

37. Oh dear, the red-eye is a bit wonky as the robot walks through light and shadow.

38. For all of the robot’s “You cannot escape,” Leela could have run right out the door just then.

39. I like that Leela’s not afraid to defend herself with her knife (even though it proves useless). “Oh, that’s just showing off.”

40. Um.. robot-dude, who are you trying to convince by repeating “You cannot escape”? ‘Cuz she just did.

41. Again—all door pads make same noise no matter how you press them.

42. “Because modifying brains is not something you do standing around in corridors, you know.”

43. A useful gadget, indeed.

44. Oh, gold-girl’s pajamas look very comfortable and cute. I want a pair.

45. Why is she taking her hat with her?

46. Arm caught in door is creepy. Toose is useless—a solid contrast to what we just saw with Leela.

47. Well, ask a stupid question, get the obvious answer.

48. It is frightening to be told “The door is not a barrier,” though.

49. Oh—well played, Leela!

50. Poor broken Pool. He’s all the more pathetic for how sarcastic and competent he was before.

51. Are these robots programmed by the Stone Angels from “Blink”? They can’t seem to attack when someone is watching them.

52. I like the Doctor’s black humor here.

53. Finally, a cliff-hanger I can get behind!

54. Did you see how many robot actors were in the credits? Beats the hell out of the 3 Daleks they can usually manage.

And so ends another episode… next time, the final part of Robots of Death. Join me, won’t you?  For Part Four, click Here.

Robots of Death pt 2 commentary

At last, the long-awaited commentary for Robots of Death part 2, the classic Tom Baker story.   (If you want to read my comments on the first part, click here.)  Just a note here—I generally cannot be bothered to remember the character’s names, so mostly they will be identified by their distinctive hats. 

No, Curious George, this is not the Man in the Yellow Hat.

We will pick up with the Doctor trapped in the collector and being buried in sand…

1. Reprise—where did the Doc get his little Boy Scout flashlight from?
2. This sand must be coming in at a spectacular rate, in that the Doc doesn’t try to escape, just stands there staring at it.
3. Ah, back to the BBC storeroom, in which Leela is hiding unconvincingly behind open shelving.
4. Um, what is the Doc breathing through?  Where did he get his bit of pipe?  We never see it again.
5. Commander really is useless at commanding.  Is he an example of the Peter principle?
6. Is anyone going to bother to tell gold-dressed woman that [how to be delicate here…] that her shirt’s fabric is clinging embarrassingly.  Do they not wear bras in this culture?  I wonder if the poor actress noticed only after the show was on tv? 
7. Tom does look very happy to be out from under what look like coffee beans.
8. Do all of the machines and buttons on this spaceship make exactly the same noise, ‘cuz that could really be a nuisance.
9. “What were you doing in the hopper?”  “Oh, don’t ask me such silly questions!”  ha!
10. Wait, wait, wait—Doc got rescued when continuing flow of ore was turned off, but was chamber completely drained?  Otherwise, how could robot, with only one quick glance, see & id body (especially when Doc himself had to enter the chamber & get up close to see that it wasn’t Leela?)
11. The vibrant greens and silvers of the masks are inspired.
12. Classic horror film bit here w/ body behind curtain—bringing up point that murderer is increasingly trying to hid bodies, whereas killed the first one in plain sight & left him in the storeroom.
13. Oh, D84, your dark silver face is so meanacing.
14. “If I had killed him, would I not have killed you, too.”  Well, who can argue with that logic?
15. Go Strycnine, with your same exact model shot as before, only in close-up.  Way to be boring!
16. This conversation between Leela and the robot is a bit odd—she seems oddly relaxed for someone who thought she was going to die just 30 seconds ago.  D84 is being all Sherlock Holmes, too.
17. “Is there anyone alive to tell?”  Ah, so you’ve seen the end of Hamlet too, huh.
18. Ha!  Serves him right for slapping a girl! Take that, Commander!  He does look mighty shocked, but maybe it’s just the eyebrows.
19. “You try that again and I’ll cripple you!”  I believe her and serves him right.  This here is why I like Leela so much.
20. Leaf-hat boy seems to take particular pleasure in labeling the robot “D for Dumb.”
21. Did you notice the little squeeze that the robot gives Leela as she asks if anyone has told him that he can’t speak?  Nice touch (literally).
22. Wow!  Leela really has a ton of strong, insult/ one-liners in this scene.  She’s quite the spunky one, and pulls no punches when she recognizes stupidity.
23. Um… Commander, are you aware that your argument makes no logical sense? Ok, just checking.
24. Pool, there’s no point talking sense to a man wearing a leaf-hat.
25. “Bring THAT.”  Dude, are you trying to earn yourself another knee to the groin?
26. Methinks Pool has an idea about who did.
27. I think that the Doctor uses the jelly babies as a system to distinguish good guys from bad guys—have you noticed that bad guys always overreact to them, whereas good guys eat them, usually cautiously…
28. Poor Tom’s feelings are hurt b/c they refused his jelly babies.
29. Tom assumes he is in charge because he has the tallest hat.
30. I like the lilting, danger-under-the-surface tones of voice between the Doctor and the Commander here.
31. Ah, boys and girls, a little lesson on the differences between facts and inferences.
32. I like how they all turn on each other (rather like Midnight, that).  It’s quite realistic for the circumstances.
33. Ah, Tom’s little mischievous grin as he suggests an alternative murderer.
34. Dark-haired boy doesn’t even deign to turn around to snipe at the Doctor.
35. Oh Oh!  I want to use that one: “You know, you are a classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain.”
36. Ok, so everyone is upset as the two stow-aways are being hauled off, and fish-girl has chosen this moment to begin a chess game with herself???
37. Oh, good.  You can use all of that extra money to buy some mouthwash because, dude, really!
38. What was that last look on the Commander’s face all about? 
39. Um, the rest of the design is fab, but those boots—is that really the best you could do?
40. Shhhhhh!  Don’t be exclaiming your murderous mission to all and sundry!
41. Clearly they ran out of money making all of the cool sets and costumes, leaving zero cash left for the metallic restraints (though the script does have a go at explaining away their cheap looks).
42. “I have an uncomfortable feeling…” could be that bubble wrap around your neck.
43. Leela looks suitably skeptical about the Doc’s ability to save them.
44. Yet another close-up of Strychnine with unwarranted dramatic sting and dodgy CSO.
45. It is nice to see people actually working on this ship for a change.
46. Commander is terribly whiny—maybe his hat is heavy.
47. Excessively long shot of Strychnine’s wheels?  Why ?
48. Poor Leela just looks miserable and bored.
49. I like that Leela is perceptive and can judge people by their body movements, then warn the Doctor.
50. Pool has two things going for him here: 1—he has no hat; 2—he reminds me of one of those sarcastic and smartly-sardonic Shakespearean characters.
51. And now, for those of you who were not paying attention in episode one, we will review Asimov’s robot laws.
52. It always comes back to the bees, doesn’t it.
53. You have befuddled Pool, Doctor.
54. Are we going to leave poor Leela locked up?  “Thank you.”
55. And where are we sneaking off to in such a hurry, fish-girl.
56. Meanwhile, in the BBC closet… was the guy’s name really Chav?
57. Another point to the strange scream.
58. Tom’s Doctor does make a good investigator.
59. I’d call for a robot—with goofy shoes, apparently.
60. Methinks that the robots would be sneakier murderers if they had pockets in which to keep their corpse markers hidden.
61. Cue sub-plot point and very fake crying from Zilda.
62. Yes, thank you Captain Obvious.
63. Oh, gold-girl, you really do need a bra.  Why did no one tell the poor woman?
64. Perhaps the humans turn to this robots after the Ood freed themselves.
65. I like the little bit of jargon that she slips into her radio message to Pool.
66. “Oh, I should think it’s the end of this civilization”—rather casual there, eh Tom.  It’s the end of the world as we know it, it’s the end.
67. That’s quite the snazzy watch the Commander has there.
68. Ahh, he had a crush on fish-girl the whole time.  He apparently never grew out of the stage where pulling on a girl’s pigtails (fish tails?) and teasing her showed his lurve.
69. Go, Pool!  You tell that Commander what’s what.
70. I like the contrasts between Pool’s light and the Commander’s dark.
71. He goes down rather easily—has Pool been practicing his Venusian jujitsu?
72. “By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.”  Such a creepy bit of poetry—and used by the great Agatha as well.
73. Oh dear, a greenly lit Strychnine fell off of a cliff—good Star Trek acting, all.
74. Leela has to be very careful about how she stands up in that dress.
75. “Oh thanks, I’d never have thought of that.”  Everyone gets good sarcastic lines.
76. Oh dear, have they broken poor Strychnine?
77. “It’s a gift!”  and a curse.
78. Well, that settles that, then.
79. Apparently Strychnine is a girl ship?  “She’s going!”

 

And… we’re out!

Well, that was quite a long one, especially as I began it last Thursday and finished it a midnight on Tuesday night, with a long weekend of family time in between.

Hopefully, part 3 tomorrow evening. 

Until then… [doo doo doo da dooo…]

For Part 3, click here.

“nine times out of ten”– Robots of Death, episode 1

This will be my first commentary for a classic Doctor Who story.  Up this time, one of my particular favorites… Robots of Death.

I’ll post this in 4 parts, matching the episodes.

 

Pause, pause pause!  I first need a Coke refill (who knew this DVD had an auto-start feature?)

 

And, away we go… Episode One

 

1. I really like the Tom Baker opening sequences, especially the tunnel.
2. I’ve always wondered: is Chris Boucher related to Anthony Boucher who wrote episodes for the New Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce) on the radio?
3. Not so creepy rock pit set/ model shot, but well-lit
4. *giant* machine looks like a love child of the Sphinx and K-9.  I shall dub it Strychnine.
5. Oh, dudes.  Good try with the CSO, but no dice, my dears.   Bless your hearts, as we say down here.
6. Design of robots and inside sets, though—awesome!  Totally art deco.
7. Make-up cool, and makes everyone look like they could be the bad guy.  Bet the local store ran out of eyeliner on this day.
8. Blah, blah, blah—this bit is for those who haven’t read Asimov.
9. Um, as to the chess conversation… isn’t word for word, but it’s darn close to the conversation b/w Doctor and K-9 at the beginning of The Sun Makers (which came AFTER this story). 
10. Is the ship kept very cold?  They are all wearing tons of heavy gowns as they head out to check if the haul will be any good.
11. Love the wooden control room *desktop theme*.  Let’s bring it back, shall we?
12. Leela is one of my favorite companions because she is so alien and new to everything and FIERCE.  She brings a fresh perspective, though they do get a few laughs with her, like the yoyo here.
13. I dig the explanation of trans-dimensional engineering here.  Prob. the only one we’ve gotten that’s ever made a lick of sense.
14. This is Leela’s first trip in the Tardis, so she doesn’t know anything.  How nice.
15. Tom’s looking quite Victorian today.
16. “If people see you mean them no harm, they never hurt you.” – don’t you wish that were true!
17. Wide-shot of Leela leaping up stairs in Tardis—can we say padding?
18. Intense music on goofy ship close up
19. Techno-babble does make them sound competent, but those hats!?  Oh, dear.  Can you imagine being the sales clerk who convinced them those monstrosities were the height (ha!) of fashion?
20. With picture paused as he & robot stand at controls, can really see how design of costumes mirrors set.
21. All this about Zelda and the founding families—points for background detail, minus points for not convincing me to care.
22. Dude—RED EYES—never good.  Why does no one every notice them until it’s too late?  Makes you want to do the bit from Galaxy Quest: “Have any of you ever SEEN the show?”
23. Umm… it’s a bit hard to do blood-curdling screams when one is being strangled, minor point there.
24. I like the slightly sing-song voice of these robots; reminiscent of the early cyber-men voices.
25. Just had a thought—what if these chaps are mining the same desert planet as the bugs in Planet of the Dead?
26. My—that commander is snippy, isn’t he.  Did we not have our coffee this morning, hum?
27. Way to be compassionate there, commander.
28. You know, I like when they have to be clever with the camera tricks.
29. Sand storm unconvincing.
30. If Who can’t go to the quarry, let the quarry come to them.
31. For all the fanciness elsewhere, their storeroom still looks like some closet at the BBC.
32. Ah—my point (the scream vs. being strangled)
33. Red buttons look goofy, but are also creepy
34. “Fool!”—such distain.
35. Don’t worry, that robot doesn’t have red eyes.  He’s cool.
36. I like the sarcasm from white-suited guy: “You did say, one of you.”
37. Enter Poirot scene of confronting suspects.
38. “Please, Pool!” 
39. Where does the commander get off being so condescending to Zelda?
40. This guy who knows about corpse markers looks vaguely familiar.
41. Hey—points for having more than one woman AND an Indian man in the same episode—none of which is a bad guy or a stereotype! 
42. Go Strychnine!  You hunt that dust!
43. The bridge is a much nicer place when its just robots.
44. The actors playing the robots walk so distinctly and with such strong posture.
45. I want a lounge that looks like that!
46. Point of order—robot is eavesdropping; he’s a ROBOT, wouldn’t he have superior hearing to humans and thus not have to put his ear up to the door?
47. Featureless faces so void.
48. “Sometimes you talk like a tech.” “Thank you.” “It was not well meant.”—ha!  Who else besides Leela would insult the Doctor by calling him a scientist!?
49. “Robots have no feelings.”—Umm, I’m pretty sure that the Daleks and the Cybermen have feelings.
50. Cute that Leela makes the joke of feelings and feelings.
51. Ah, naïve Leela has yet to learn that when someone says, “Wait here,” that means that the Doctor must wander off and get into trouble.
52. I’m really enjoying the squabble between all of the characters.  I can’t be bothered to remember their names, but they all have distinct accents and advanced degrees in snarkiness.
53. Ha!  That’s the right answer for “That’s an O-R-D-E-R.”
54. How many spare robots are there, exactly?
55. Good grief… MORE corridors.  At least in this story they have the courtesy to paint stripes on the walls.
56. Why, hullo ol’ gal.
57. CSO of sand filling up is a good effort, but it wobbles.  Did no one notice this?
58. They must have done the scene of him calling for Leela at the last minute or after many rehearsals b/c Tom looks utterly bored and disconnected, except for the tiny uneasy glance that he shoots toward the dodgy CSO.
59. This looks like a particularly uncomfortable way to die.  Also, more points for not having this ending become a cop-out in the next episode.  He does actually have to be rescued.

 

And that’s episode one, folks.  Episode two is now up– click here.

Let me know what you thought.

I am the very model of a Gallafrayian Buccaneer…

Title: Doctor Who and the Pirates

Produced by: Big Finish

Series: Sixth Doctor and Dr. Evelyn Smythe

Summary: Evelyn arrives unexpectedly at the quarters of one of her former students, Sally, and proceeds, with the Doctor’s help, to tell a story of piratical adventure to the protesting Sally.  With each episode, this story takes another unexpected turn.

Unexpected Thing: Since it includes Gilbert and Sullivan music, I was under the impression that the story would be silly and lightweight.  I should have known better, given Big Finish’s other productions.  I can’t blow this for you, but just have some tissues nearby, ok?

  Now, this my first Big Finish download, and I’m glad that I started here.  (Don’t worry if the sixth doc wasn’t your cup of tea on tv; he wasn’t mine, either.  He’s good here, and they make fun of his silly coat.)  I’ve been in love with Gilbert and Sullivan’s operettas for many years, and the pastiches of their songs are what attacted me to this story in the first place; so, let’s begin with the music…

The compositions here are very, very strong.  Gilbert was a brilliant lyricist, and many writers since have been baffled by trying to update his lyrics.  The production team here did a lovely job within the second and third episodes, with the highlight being Colin Baker’s solo “I am the very model of a Gallafrayian Buccaneer.”  [That one’s getting separated and going with my Chameleon Circuit playlist. 🙂 ]Very clever work, chaps.  The overture (which is actually played at the end) combines the Who theme baseline with several themes and harmonies from a variety of Gilbert and Sullivan operettas, including Pirates of Penzance and The Mikado.  It’s beautiful and worth the price of the download alone.

Another particular bit of loveliness, given my love for words, is the nature of the meta-narrative (these elements are strongest in the first episode, but resonate throughout).  Evelyn is telling the story, but she keeps getting confused and having to go back and change bits.  In addition, we soon learn that she also is hiding something.

If you don’t wish to know any more, go to the Big Finish site and download it now.  http://www.bigfinish.com/43-Doctor-Who-and-The-Pirates

**** Here there be spoilers****

Soon, the story spirls out of control, as Evelyn gets in too far before realising that she can’t escape the story without finishing it, including the parts she doesn’t want to remember.  Only after listening to the entire story does the subtitle (common in G & S works) carry its meaning and impact : The Lass That Lost a Sailor.

Speaking of Young Jem, Doctor Who as a program is rather known for its high body counts, especially of nameless soldiers, guards, and townsfolk.  Just look at Resurrection of the Daleks, for heaven’s sake!  After a while, as viewers, we come to regard these deaths of nameless guys as blasé.  In this story, though, the author writes a very powerful argument against our callous attitude towards the death of extras and minor characters.  The name games that Evelyn plays with the sailors first establish them as fairly interchangable, but this comes to an unexpected fruition in the deaths as the story continues.  Each murder builds in power, until Jem’s death becomes unbearable.  We don’t even hear/ see it, but Jem’s murder forms the crux of the story and lends it heart-breaking strength.  In fact, the tone change as we approach it provides such glaring contrast to earlier episodes that it reveals them to be Evelyn’s attempts to whistle in the dark.  It also gives us a glimpse, perhaps, why the Doctor gallavants with such jocularity around the universe, even though he carries with him the weight of constant death and evil.

Following up on the lessons we and Sally learn as we hear the story, the Doctor’s final scene alone with Sally provides a capstone to the adventure.  It could very easily have descended to preachiness, but it rather neatly side-steps this.  Instead, it just reinforces what we are all thinking, as we muse with Sally. 

Overall– a strong story that unexpectedly stayed with me.  I’d definately recommend it for anyone who likes radio drama, G & S, or the Doctor.

Torchwood: fit the second– Golden Age

I’m finally ready to review the second new Torchwood radio play: Golden Age by James Goss. For my review of the first new play Asylum, click here.

This one is now on itunes to buy, so you can listen to it even if you missed out on the BBC website.

Basic plot: The Torchwood team are investigating strange energy waves and people’s disappearances in Bombay, India.  Jack is surprised to discover that the origin of these energy spikes seems to be the old building of Torchwood India, which he shut down in the 1924.  Inside, he finds his old *friend* apparently not a day older than she was when the sun never set on the British Empire, nor has anything in the building changed.  He makes it his business to find out why, and how it connects to the disappearances in the city.

Once again, the Torchwood team split up here: Gwen and Ianto/ Jack and Duchess.  Jack certainly got more airtime in this episode, and it’s always nice to meet one of his old flames.  Are there ANY of these folks who don’t want to kill Jack?  (Also, much has been made of Jack calling Ianto his “assistant” when talking to the Duchess.  I did quirk an eyebrow at that one).   Gwen and Ianto do the exploring of the house and its grounds.  Most of their speech is reaction to what they are seeing. 

The episode on the whole was less of a concept piece than the previous two.  It reminded me more of one of the slower Classic Who episodes, minus the political intrigue sub-plots.

Overall, I enjoyed this episode, but I think that if I were a Brit, the plot’s main thrust of longing for the “Golden Age” of the British Empire would resonate more with me.  As it was, I could appreciate it, but I didn’t own it, so to speak.  They do spend so much of the episode building up the glories of the by-gone years, that when Jack confronts Duchess with our modern, P-C sensibilities, it feels a bit forced.  Perhaps this reflects the conflicted nature of Brit society?  I just don’t know.

That being said, this was an episode that could have worked well on television, in that it could have been set in any of those period 1920’s sets that the BBC does so well.  The fact that this stately home was in the middle of India WAS crucial in the plot, but we saw/ heard very little of Bombay itself.  Speaking of which, I think that the radio play producers could learn from the Focus on the Family Radio Theater people about realistic sound design.  They spent too much time describing locations with words instead of allowing clear and distinct Foley to do it for them.  We heard the big things, like smashing glass, sure, but what about footsteps, ticking clocks, clink of croquet balls on the lawn, etc?  Bring the setting to life, guys, come on.

**Spoiler** As for the ending, well… I saw it coming as soon as we got a glimpse of what was going on the house, and, though I understood the conversation about the machine– the actual thing itself didn’t make much sense.  The last time the shadow hooks made it all the way into the factories blocks away before the machine went critical; this time they don’t even make it out of the room.  Huh??

Should you listen to it?  Yes.

Is it the best one?  No.

 I’m interested to hear what you thought, folks.